A dragon jorney

They agreed to meet on the glade in the forest, close to the edge. The dragoness was waiting for him, pacing and thinking about something personal, at times releasing claws or pushing aside the branches on her way with a paw. She did not just walk in circles, but she was trying to make a figure on the ground from scattered branches and rumpled grass. Being fully immersed in her thoughts, she did not notice neither the time nor what she was doing.

It was evening and the time of the meeting was approaching. The dragon, landing at the edge of the forest and not even thinking of stopping, flew at a speed of flight between the trees. Cracking branches, holding his wings close, he pierce into the thicket of undergrowth into the bushes. Trying to get through the thicket he knew that there are a glade not far from here, where they decided to meet. He is slowing down and start walking, trying to calm down and listen to the wind-roaring in the forest and hearing his heart. He blames himself. It would be easier to find other path. He could reach the glade quicker going along the path, he thought while pulling out paws from branches after with every step and feeling the wet marshy ground under his paws.

Not too far in front he sight a dragoness behind trees who are walking in circles on a glade. No doubt, he did all the way to here only to met her. Holding his thoughts, he hurried to reach a glade to her, no longer noticing that he had gone through some swamp and was messy. When he went out into light of sun the only thing he thought about was do not scare the dragoness with his appearance. He smiled an was surprised that the dragoness was very glad to meet him no matter he was covered with a dirt and leafs. She come closer to him, but did not dare to touch. Instead that she silently shook her head and point into the depths of the forest to the path they going to go. The dragoness carefully turned around and, as if by accident, touched the dirty legs of the dragon with its tail. He looked at the paws where his tail touched. The paws were all wrapped by marsh grass and covered with a mud. He was a little ashamed of his appearance, but he forgot about it just dragoness’s tail disappeared behind trees. Next moment he followed her.

So they walked through the dark forest, having a feeling that there is beginning to grow dark above, but they were not scared. Together they weren’t alone. Sometimes one of them stopped harshly pointing with a glance at a wonderful tree or on a ray of light beautifully breaking through the branches on a forest’s grounds. It seemed that they were simply looking for impressions, but all that tenderness in their eyes and the smoothness of the movements said that they were interested in each other, that they wanted to show each other what they could see in a simple forest. Coming to the fork where they could choose the path? they both decided go further into the deep of woods. They had to walk along a narrow path one by one, and sometimes the one who was ahead stopped, opening one wing and did few short steps backwards. That mad\e the other’s heart tremble with a lack of understanding of what had happened, but after standing for some time both continue their walk forward again. It was nice for them to play with each other like this. This was letting them feel the value of the moments they both spent together.

So they passed the forest, going out into the field. The sun went down and the moon shone. Both dragons was happy realizing that they had done it. Together they passed that forest, which now looked behind the dark and terrible. And now they are running away from the forest, across the field very close wing to wing, making their way further up the hill. At the top of the hill they looked around. Here they are safe.

Far and wide there are was a field around dragons.The field was covered with purple flowers, which shimmered in the light of the silver full moon, giving a romantic atmosphere. Here from the top of the hill it was possible to see red flowers that bloomed in the night on the neighboring slope. They glittered like a tiny stars on the ground, as if they reflecting the starry sky that spread its wing over two dragons. So they both stood looking at the breathtaking landscape. Inside each of them, was something that trying to break out, and they both muzzles half-turned to each other’s. At that moment they felt a warmth inside their bodies, as if a warm wind lifted them over the ground and circled in the dance. In fact, everything was spinning in the dragons’ heads when they cuddles each other. She was no longer concerned about the fact that the dragon was still halfly covered in the mud, and the dragon was no longer afraid to touch her even being in such appearance.

In the water

I’m here again…with my dragon =)

https://soltia.deviantart.com/art/In-the-water-558378379

Music:

In the water

You hold your every breath
But life is for the living, in the water
You feel that you should run
But where are you to hide in the water.

Against the tide we struggle
With the skin we’re in, the skin we’re in
Against the tide we struggle
To keep our heads above the deep
Our hearts above the lie.

You vow your life and blood
But this is not our home in the water
Our hope here’s never found
Just try and keep your way in the water.

Against the tide we struggle
With the skin we’re in, the skin we’re in
Against the tide we struggle
To keep our heads above the deep
Our hearts above the lie.

Who we are today
Could never make amends for what we’ve done
Tainted blood
His eyes are full of love
Forgive them – release them.

Against the tide we struggle
With the skin we’re in, the skin we’re in
Against the tide we struggle
To keep our heads above the deep
Our hearts above the lie.

Self Investment

Everyone struggles.

And not everyone knows how to ask for help.

And not everyone knows how to give it.

I spend a lot of my life a goddamn emotional wreck. I hurt a lot. I ache. I literally have to tell myself not to believe my gut impulses. That I’m not worthless. That I’m not stupid. That I’m not hated. That my friends aren’t just spending time with me to be nice. That my partner loves me. That I won’t be abandoned.

I spent a lot of my life certain that everyone would be better off if I were just… gone. Not dead, just erased from history. I withdrew from my friends in real life, because I felt I didn’t belong. That I wasn’t worth enough. I got really good at acting. When the hurt shows… that’s when it’s really bad. When people asked about me, I called it ‘hermiting.’ Now I just explain that “I wasn’t okay.”

A few years ago, someone important said they missed me. And it stuck. And I tried my best to crawl out of the hole I’d been rotting in. I scraped together some self-worth. Just enough to get by.

I started to reach out. Started changing up my life. Moved, tried new things… I quietly had some alcohol problems. Truth be told, I still love being drunk. I went to a therapist. I found myself alone in a lot of ways. I felt unloved… so I taught myself how to love myself, even just a little.

I started to ask for help. Some did exactly as I asked and needed of them. But the problem is… everyone has struggles. Not everyone can give help. Some people couldn’t give enough. Some people tried to help and made it worse. Some smelled the blood in the water and preyed upon me. I’ve been hurt a lot. Truth be told, I’ve lost a lot of my faith in people. I trust people less. But thankfully I do know some good ones.

So… I guess I need to get better at taking care of myself… not just in the moment, but for future Nash too. A fistful self-worth and self-love will only get you so far. Self-investment is important too. I am worthy of being here. I am worthy of being loved. And I am worthy of betterment. Doing things to make me a better Nash is important. I need to stop investing in people who don’t consistently invest in me. I need to stop appeasing others at the expense of myself. I need to spend time in places where I can comfortably be myself, and do Nash things.

Like draw dragons. I’ve loved them, ever since I was a kid. Some people associate dragons with greed. They see them as hoarders of material wealth. Perhaps the dragon’s hoard should be seen as a metaphor for the things we do to better ourselves. To help us withstand the darkness.

https://nashoba-hostina.deviantart.com/art/Self-Investment-698683295